Wapanese Rant 2

My last rant didn't quite cover everything I'd hoped, as some people pointed out to me. Therefore, I'm back to cover some more SU-PA- DESU Wapanese characteristics and issues, from the common but less-talked-about Blapanese to the Wapanese posers to the elusive and enigmatic male Weeaboos. And more! So pop some Ramen in the ol' microwave, open up a tab in Google Translate, grab your neko ears and kitsune tail, and try not to think too hard about the logic of a person having the physical features of two different animals! It's time for a more in-depth look at this one-of-a-kind species that is sadly not endangered!

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The term "weeaboo," while not quite as recognizable, is actually far more accurate than the term "Wapanese." Why? Well, let's take a look at the amateur etymology: the name "wapanese" is the illegitimate love-child of the words "white" and "Japanese." However, when one takes a closer look at the species, one realizes that this term does not just apply to Caucasian individuals, but also Americans in general. And since the U.S.A. is renowned for being the Melting Pot of the world, the term Wapanese simply doesn't encompass enough of America's squealling, coslplaying, badfic-writing, fan-gasming potential. Weeaboo is clearly the more versatile term. But where did it come from?

The word was first used in a comic by The Perry Bible Fellowship, and it had no connection to the meaning with which we associate it today - it was merely a nonsense word used for random awesomeness and awesome randomness. However, the ever-lovable creator of 4chan (known only as "moot") got wind of the term and decided to use a word-filter on his site, transforming every instance of the word "wapanese" (apparently picked for the heck of it) into "weeaboo." Due to the vast population of 4chan, it wasn't long before the two words became synonymous.

Now that that's out of the way, let's delve into the Weeaboo sub-genres, shall we?

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1. The Non-Wapanese
The Wapanese are all weeaboos, but are all weeaboos Wapanese? Absolutely not. Even though they're not very common, African-American weeaboos (or "Blapanese," as they've been so endearingly dubbed) do exist. They tend to be quite a bit more tolerable than the Wapanese, as they bring some dignity, sass, and honorable roots to the species, however that does not change the fact that they still wear fake dog ears and obsess over whether or not Inuyasha will confess his secret love for Kagome.
Even rarer are the Hispanese and the Europanese, who both tend to retain at least some dignity towards their true cultures, if only a little. At the end of the day, they all pale in comparison to the ignorant Wapanese, who despises her roots and doesn't care how much Pocky she has to shove down her gullet before she forgets about them.

2. The Roleplayer
One of the less-tolerable subspecies is the Roleplayer, who seems convinced that if she plays her cards right, one day she'll be whisked down an old well and into a demon world, or teleported to the past to fulfill her destiny as a ninja clad in bright colors, or approached by a talking black cat and joined by four of her equally-weeaboo friends to defend Earth whilst wearing miniskirts and kawaii sailor-suits. Or something. The point is, the Roleplayer will treat life like her favorite anime, analyzing each new person she meets like a character in a dating sim. Even her poor sap of a boyfriend gets sucked into her sick game, his eardrums constantly assaulted by her voice screaming "MAIKURU-KUN!!!" instead of Michael, his perfectly adequate and culture-appropriate name. And if anyone tries to wake her up from her dreamlike stupor, she will simply explode at them in rage-fueled Japanglish (see previous rant for info on that) calling them an "uber-hidoi baka" and claiming that they're just jealous because she's "being her own sugoi self" and that if they don't back off she's gonna unleash her "Rasengan" on them.

3. The Male Weeaboo
Few people ever talk about the male weeaboos, and I suspect that that's because most people associate weeaboos with magical-girl anime and kawaii-sparkles. However, weeaboos can be classified as any American who holds a fondness for Ye Olde Nippon that surpasses the realm of normal admiration, if only just a little. And if you know a guy who constantly draws (badly) beefy ninjas who look like they have inflatable muscles, you know what I'm talking about. Male weeaboos tend to be the type of manga/anime/videogame nerds who own at least three TV-gaming systems at home, have more of a life online than they ever did IRL, and get more excited over a picture of Lady Tsunade or Samus Aran than an issue of Playboy. They love all things Japanese, primarily because of the slightly more leniant opinions of perverts over there (and, of course, all the advanced technology). When they're not drawing anatomically-incorrect and amateurish pr0nz for themselves, they'll usually draw Goku or Optimus Prime in their signature stiff, lopsided style. Living beings are usually screaming (even the pr0nz, ugh), and there's always some sort of "raw, manly power" being exerted. It's also important to note that males are not quite as likely as females to use Japanglish, however they do occasionally, using a slightly different vocabulary that pertains more to their masculine aspirations.
Other terms for the male weeaboo include: geek, nerd, hermit, wimp, virgin.   

4. The Yaoi/Yuri Obsessor
Almost all weeaboos fall under this category to some extent, with an astoundingly small group of exceptions. Yaoi and yuri (gay and lesbian hentai, respectively) are by far the two most successful anime sub-genres ever devised. Female weeaboos typically go for yaoi, and males for yuri. Three guesses as to why. Anyway, some of these people take it a little too far, to the point where yaoi or yuri is literally all they think about. EVER. Speaking in terms of the females (as they're far more populous), they only read yaoi, watch yaoi, talk about yaoi (whether the other participants in the conversation are willing to also talk about yaoi or not), think yaoi, eat, sleep, and breathe yaoi. They'll go to conventions with an equally-obsessed friend dressed as their favorite yaoi duo, straddle each other, and make out to the amusement and flashing cameras of their squealling and ravenous peers. Everything is either kinky or boring. Any and all Asian guys they meet are subject to starring in a sick fantasy involving jelly beans and a chicken suit.
Needless to say, they're not usually very good with kids.

5. The Poser Weeaboo
Yes, there are people who aspire to join this group of individuals, but fail. Miserably. At least the real weeaboos are bonafide somethings. The posers are just pathetic - they buy neko ears and wear Japanese t-shirts, watch anime and drink Ramune, just because they know that the biggest anime fans do those things, too. They're n00bs who want to fit in with some sort of group. In fact, most of them don't even watch all that much anime, or even know much about it. They just buy the Naruto headbands and sushi-shaped pillows and kimonos, with little to no knowledge of how to wear them or what they even mean. They're usually creeped out by yaoi and yuri, but hide it for fear of depleting their desu-levels.
Any anime or manga they do know about are the mainstream ones that air commonly in America, like Pokemon, Naruto, Yu-Gi-Oh, One Piece, Zatch Bell, Bleach, and Inuyasha.
  
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Well, that about does it. My-my, so many types! Who knew such a simple-minded race could get so complicated? At any rate, I hope this sequel has helped you further familiarize yourself with this curious species, or at least entertained you enough to put down that noose. Mata oaishimashou!